If you could do only one thing…

I love working with people. I am curious about what makes people who they are. More than that, I have always been interested in how to help people grow. Maybe that’s because I have always focused on my own growth as a helper and achiever, so it excites me to see others live more fully into their vocation. 

In my curiosity and care for others, I have had the opportunity to work with quite a few interns and executives. Through these many coaching relationships one lesson continues to ring true.

The best, most impactful thing we can do for the world is to lead ourselves.

Self-leadership.

We may be interested in making a difference but if we are not our healthiest self, we do more harm than good…and we will likely burn out.

One of my favorite authors, Edwin Friedman, a therapist, rabbi, and leadership consultant grounds self-leadership well. In his book, Failure of Nerve, he writes about the need for leaders to have a non-anxious presence. This non-anxious way of being, also known as the well-differentiated self, requires us to lead ourselves first but then carries through to our every interaction with others.

The non-anxious person “has clarity about his or her own life goals, and, therefore, [is] someone who is less likely to become lost in the anxious emotional processes swirling about.” While Friedman contends that clarity about life goals is essential, he also admits that leading oneself into a non-anxious way of being requires effort. 

Thus, if we lead ourselves, we will have the ability to truly lead others.